So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
