I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
