I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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