omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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