if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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