i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
