have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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