omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
