How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
