Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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