mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I need to align my fucking chakras
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