I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
