You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My balls are so social today.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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