Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize