Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
one might say we're banned from that church
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
