I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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