i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
