it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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