Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize