I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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