The best revenge is premature balding
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
