i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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