she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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