Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize