google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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