ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
