I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
COCAINE IS GR8
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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