Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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