he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
