Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
