mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
