she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
