Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
