I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
