i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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