I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
They have beer where we have blood.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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