my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
