I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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