He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
soo... how was my night?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
