So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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