everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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