Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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