Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize