you're like a bully in the Christmas story
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
