I can tuck mytits in my pants
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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