I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
