Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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