he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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