You smell like stripper and shame
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
