she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize