The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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