just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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