We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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