left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
