there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
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