hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
