Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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