if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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