I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
