Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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