I wanna bring you to show and tell
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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