Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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