yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
