I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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