We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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