I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
false alarm. still invincible.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
