I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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