we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
