whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
