I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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