this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Randomize
