porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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