My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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